My first winter morning

One fine day:

I wake up at the crack of dawn, even though it's winter and it's hell foggy out there. "Ahhh.. That's a lovely morning out there Maa!"

"Lemme sleep Ashi.." Comes a disgruntled murmur from inside the blanket. Oh well, at least she responded. Daddy didn't even stir. I leave the room feeling dejected. I'd been hoping I could go driving.

Never mind.

I approach Grandpa. "Ahhh.. That's a lovely morning out there Grandpa!"

"Yes yes, it is."

Cool! Now there is someone energetic, and youthful, and enthusiastic, and…

"I know you're planning to go on a drive. Grab the car keys and a jute bag. I have to go for my morning walk, aur yaad rakhna, sabjiyan khareedni hain!"

Aww crud.

Anyways, getting to drive on the roads of Kanpur at 16 is a MAJOR consolation to the despairing of hearts. I snatch the car keys and walk out into the freezing 4 deg Celsius winter  in shorts. Don't be amazed, girls can wear shorts even when it's snowing. Anything to be sexy.

I step into the family i10 and turn the music up loud, waking up the entire neighbourhood in the progress, telling them that "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night!"

The day has hardly begun, and Grandpa's already begun shouting at me. "Turn the blasted noise off! And put on some bhajan!"

Seriously???

Like friggin seriously??

Still. Anything for a drive.

We reach the agricultural college campus, full of morning walkers "clearing their heads in the crisp, fresh air". Ya right! Fresh air, meri jooti. Most them uncles are probably gettin' over last night's hangovers. I get a few double takes as I plug in my headphones into my iPhone ( Yeah, iPhone5.. Don't forget) and lace up my Adis, and start running. Now, girls walk out of the house wearing their shortest-shorts with full haute-couture about them, but they feel awkward and disgusted when perverts check them out. Yes we do. Trust me. We girls, are a weird breed.

Half an hour later, I drag the weights (wellll, figuratively) back to the car and wait for Grandpa.

I watch him buy the sabjiyan and the fruits. How these people do that, my Lord doth know more than I. They know which specimen is rotten, which one is perfect, which one too raw, which one too ripe. They even want to taste the grapes. They know the price of each vendor, as if they are long-time friends gone astray, and they use their knowledge to blackmail every vendor. "Voh wala bhaiya zyada sasta de raha hai. Ye TERA kaisa way ho raha hai?"

The aunties pretend they know more about the sabjis than our Ramu kakas do, when they can't distinguish between a bhindi and a mirchi.

That is how I spend my first morning of winter vacations. The rest, I sleep till 12, wake up at 1 (one hour groaning in bed), never take a bath, and study in the razai. Everyone does that. No details required. The point is, NEVER try to be a morning person. It never goes well with teenagers. Even if we are close to seventeen.

Me.. Him.. And an inner voice

And I lie staring at the fan.. Thinking thinking thinking..

One hour.. Two hours.. Three hours..

Me: I wonder how he does that

Inner voice: Does what?

Me: Keep my thoughts occupied

Inner voice: That's because you love him

Me: But he's never been good to me

Inner voice: And you know he loves you too

Me: What about give-and-take? I give sooo much, get nothing in return??

Inner voice: He gives you more than anyone does, and you know that too

Me: Yeah.. I guess..

Inner voice: And moreover, you wont get anywhere in life without him. Nowhere.

Me: Yeah.. I guess that too.. But he haunts me all the time! Even when I'm sleeping! Even in my nightmares!!

Inner voice: That happens when you are obsessed with something

Me: Am I obsessed with him??

Inner voice: He is, after all, what you think about most of the time

Me: I really love him. But we aren't made for each other.

Inner voice: That's what you think...

Me: That's what everyone thinks.

Inner voice: You know that ain't true

Me: Hmm

Inner voice: C'mon!! He's your favorite!

Me: He is, isn't he?

Inner voice: After Bio..

Me: Oh yaa

Inner voice: Know what I think?

Me: Mmhmm?

Inner voice: I think you should stop obsessing about Physics now. And get to work doing something about it

Me: I love it so much ^_^

And I keep staring at the fan, obsessing about how awesome a subject Physics is.. How super-smart Newton must have been.. Why I can't get more of it..

Till it's 2am in the night.. And I realise I should start studying now!

Ladies and not-so-gentle-men, when you love something but can't do anything, stop obsessing about it and get up on your ass to fight for it. :P

Seriously. It's just Physics, not rocket science ;) :P

"Just another teenager"

The way his father looked at her, made Kate wish she was the one who had been run over.

Okay so it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes!! She wanted to shout out loud, but she just stood there, tracing patterns on the floor with the tip of her sandal and biting away her nails.

Kate, "just another estranged teenager" of sixteen, had run over a little boy of hardly five with her car. It was "just another road accident". She had been distracted. Well, quite a lot distracted.

My boyfriend cheated on me. So he finds that s*** better than me. My mom's divorcing dad. My grades are suffering. I'm growing fatter and I can't find a new part-time job. I hate my life.

Justified, wasn't she? So what if she had been "drinking-in-despair-driving-in-inebriation"? She was just a victim of circumstances. She didn't see the poor boy rushing forward for his ball. She DID step on the brakes, just a split second too late. And now he was dying.

"He's my only son," murmured the father, breaking the horrendous silence.

She looked up and her carefully highlighted locks fell back from her face. "Pardon?"

He glared at Kate. "He's fuckin my only son, miss! And you fuckin ran him o'er with a fuckin Chevy chick-trap! An he dies, I won't fuckin let you sleep for the rest of yer life, miss!" He had huge biceps and huger tattoos, but his once-friendly face was distorted in agony. His wife, a small blonde little creature rushed over to him to console him, all the while staring at Kate with despisement in her eyes. "You'll regret it, miss, if anything happens to him," she whispered in a sing-a-song voice.

Kate looked at her feet, her new Jimmy Choos.

Look! I'm sorry ok??? I'm fucking sorry! I know I shoulda paid attention! My boyfriend dumped me man!! My life is just a huge huge mess! I'm sorry. I really am! Just let me go!

But she kept silent, feeling so guilty that she could melt in shame.

Was Kate justified because she was "just another teenager" with her set of problems? Was she right in placing her excuse, genuine it may be?

As she saw a big, fat tear roll down the man's eyes, she realised she wasn't. She may be "just another teenager" but she wasn't justified.

All you have to do, is ask...

She looked about herself warily. The stares stabbed her like a thousand pin pricks. Suddenly, the air seemed colder than ever.

It's just September for Chrissake!

Never mind. She walked on as if nothing mattered. Head hung dangerously low, strands of hair fell loosely into her eyes, but they guarded the distress that radiated from her. She dragged her feet along the marbled corridors.

"Hey!"

She looked up to find herself face to face with him.

Shit! What lousy timing!

"Hey," she managed to murmur back.

"Trying out a new hairstyle?" He asked lifting up a few strands from her face. That's when he saw the tears.

Here we go again.

"What's wrong babe?"

"Nothing. I'll talk to you later," and she tried to walk past him. He held her back with a grip of steel.

"You won't tell me?"

"M-m-mom..."

"Oh lord..." He groaned and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Lemme go. Everyone's watching!"

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Why won't they? They're just jealous!"

Her mother had been imprisoned on baseless charges of having euthanized a patient without informing the relatives, when it had just been an allergic reaction to something the patient had consumed ignorantly. But the patient had been an eminent local politician and consequently, the doctor was to be blamed. The media was all hyped about the allegations and the public, wrathful. And through all this, she had to go to school, endure the disapproving glares, feel the abhorrence emanating from her schoolmates.

"You know it's not true."

She nodded.

"You know mom's not wrong. You are not on the guilty side. She'll win the case, babe. They can't prove her wrong. Some way or the other, she'll get through. You need to have patience. Your family needs your support more than ever. And if you need some more, all you have to do is ask!" And then he winked and smiled her favourite smile.

As they walked to class arm-in-arm, she felt more at peace than she had in days. And all she could think was

We'll be alright. I'll be alright.

Sometimes, life takes away all hope, but love gives it back. Sometimes, all we need to get through tough times, is support and a little bit of assurance, that, whenever we need hope, all we have to do, is ask.

Transition

"YOU can watch TV all day long!!! YOU are not in 12th so you think you can get away with this??? You think studies are not important??? And who told you you're old enough to watch Two and a Half Men? No, you CAN'T watch Breaking Bad. Who the hell do you think you are anyways?? Queen Elizabeth??? Switch off the TV and get the hell out of my room!!" I shout all day at my sister. It's become my routine, like a broken gramophone that's stuck playing the same record over and over again.

My little sister is a shirker. She's smart. Oh yeah, hell smart (she's got my genes after all). But she's lazy (my genes, I told you). She toils all day, but in front of the TV. She works, but on my laptop. Whenever I'm out of sight, she gets on the phone to chat with her crush or her equally ridiculous girlfriends. She tries on my high heels when I'm away, scrambles through my phone searching for clues about my boyfriend (As if!), and tries to mess up my just-tidied-study desk because her own is too cluttered to accomodate her. Sometimes when I yell at her, she gives me "The Evil Eye", the mean one-eyebrow-raised look I totally taught her. She puts on her earphones and ignores me as if I'm a giant, exotic insect. In-my-face. She tries to act cool and grown up, when, in reality, she's five years younger than me.

She makes me feel like I wasted my childhood studying.

Inspite of being such a lazy ass, my sister can still be the b*tch, still loll around, still have fun, and not get shouted at. Let's face it, my sister got a boyfriend before I did. :/

It irks me when I see her waste her time. It gets on my nerves when I see her getting involved with boys. I don't let her wear too short shorts. And I shout at her if she takes too long in the bathroom or on the phone, or if she doesn't study or answers questions incorrectly or doesn't do well.

She?? She doesn't give a damn. She treats me like shit. She yells back at me, retorts and acts as if I talk French. She thinks she knows more than me and behaves as if I haven't seen five years of life more than her.

She's turning into me.

I'm turning into Mom.  :/

Goodbyes..

The world continued as it was. People went their ways without a second glance. Trains hooted and so did the vendors. Passengers ran one another down in order to board their trains. A child or two cried here and there. The air smelled the worst it could.

But it had stopped for them. They stood there on the platform as their lives came to a standstill. Choices had been made, and the results had to be borne.

She felt a tear escape out of the corner of her eye.

"You needn't cry, ya know. There's nothing we can do about this," he whispered gently.

"I know."

He wiped away the tear just like he had wiped many other innumerable ones off the same cheek. This reminded him of his promise to do the same, for eternity. Had he only known...

Only five minutes were left for the train to arrive. She could feel goosebumps on her skin. "So, this is it?"

He hung his head low and stared at the floor. "Hmm."

They stood holding hands for a while. Neither said anything. This is it...

There was the pain of separation, the fear of never meeting again, the anxiety about their futures, the excitement of the new lives they were about to begin. What dominated, was the desire to go back on their choices. But choices had been made.

"You are going to a new place. Be a good boy, don't do anything wrong or immoral. Don't get into bad company. Eat properly and don't waste your time. Make use of this opportunity to the fullest. Don't miss out on your sleep, you know you get headaches," she went on, repeating the sermon she had so often delivered. He nodded his head like he always did.

"YOU, miss? YOU better eat properly. And don't fight with your parents. And control your anger," he retorted.

This was too much for her. Tears filled her eyes and she whispered," I love you."

"I love you more, most, more than anything else," he whispered back and kissed her forehead. His train resounded it's final horn in the background.

"Take care."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Yes," and he smiled.

He turned away and so did she. No goodbyes. "Goodbye" is the worst phrase of all.

There weren't any people around, no vendors, no trains, no smells, no platform, nothing. Just the two of them, with their backs to each other.

He boarded the train and she left the platform. Neither of them turned back. There wasn't any need to. They were sure of their own love. They were sure of the other's love. There wasn't any doubt.

The engine blared, and began leaving the station. They still didn't look at each other.

Because what they weren't sure of, was if they will ever meet again...

*Not Normal*

"Not normal. Sorry!"

"Isn't there anything we can do about her?"

"No, Dr. Arti. I'm sorry to say, there's nothing we can do about her."

This was the conversation that took place between my mother and her fellow gynaecologist the day I was born. The day I was born, I was christened "Not Normal". The day after I was born, was I christened "Apoorvi".

And that's how it's always been. People always label me as "Not Normal" before they even get to know me.

I don't get why I'm blamed for something that's my inherent nature. Some things make me different, yaa, but "not normal" is far-fetched.

I don't walk. I dance. My friends have to hold me down to behave properly. My feet never fall flat on the floor. That's because I like being happy all the time. I like loving the day and making life worth living. Not Normal?

I don't eat. I simply refuse to touch most things edible. Except chocolate and non-veg. So? I'm a bit choosy. Not Normal?

I eat cornflakes at 2am in the dark of the night. And I eat KFC Hot Wings at 8am in the morning. So maybe I eat according to my mood. Not Normal?

I cry at every little thing. Believe me, EVERY LITTLE THING. I laugh at stuff I am not supposed to, and the jokes which people consider funny, I totally abhor. I think too much, and I am so pre-occupied that I keep slamming into things, walking into people and tripping down the last stair. Sometimes when I am deep in thought, no amount of calling, beckoning and yelling can bring me back to earth. I just keep shaking my head and staring at nothing. So I have my own little world inside. Not Normal?

I am simply different I guess. There's this guy, a realllyyyy reallyyyy interesting guy, and he thinks he's lonely because he is different. I think, what makes him different is that he is lonely.

There's nothing wrong with being "different". Earnest request: "PLEASE do not label us as *Not Normal*"

Act 1 Scene 2

The scene takes place in the enlightened hall of my alma mater, the dark and dingy building I've grown up in, suffered innumerable heartbreaks, lived innumerable memories, shared innumerable scoops, fought innumerable fights…

My school

*Assembly-time*

Students are ordered to fall into lines by harassed-looking teachers. And why won't they be. It's not like anyone of us ever even listens to them.

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I slept at 2

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- Do you think we'll receive another lecture today?

Friend- I think so

Me- I'm not really in the mood for one

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- What will it be this time?

Friend- I don't really know

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

*The Princi arrives*

Why do they do this everyday? I mean what's the point. It's not like we even listen. Most of us are too sleepy!!

Me- This is boring

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I didn't really want to come to school

Friend- Me neither

Me- Actually, I never do

Friend- Me neither

Me- See that b****? Saw her dp yesterday?

Friend- Yeah

Me- Oh

Friend- Yeah

Me- She's fat

Friend- And dumb

Me- And a poser

Friend- And stuck-up

Teacher- Shhh!

Me & friend- Sorry!

Why do I have to pray everyday? Why bother God unnecessarily? It's not even exam-time!

I don't even pray!! All I care about is my hair!

Oh my god my hair!

Is it alright???

I guess yeah.

OMG! He's here!

I think I'll pass out.

Actually, no! I won't! That's like so uncool!

Me- Hey!

Friend- Yeah

Me- He's here!

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- Gaaawwd he's looking so cute

Friend- Not really

Me- Oh shut up! He is!!!

Teacher- Shhh!

Me & friend- Sorry!

Me- See that b****?

Friend- Yeah?

Me- She's always hitting on him!

Friend- Oh!

Me- He's mine!!

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

[Exeunt]

Love At First Sight

So tall.

And slim.

And shapely.

And sexy.

And glowing.

Ohmygod!! Is that my heart I feel inside???

Gorgeous.

A work of God.. Yeah!

I can't pull my eyes away from that etheral sight. My heart feels like it will jump outta my throat. Sweaty palms. Red cheeks.

My hands itch to reach forward and feel the beauty. To assure me that yes. Perfection does exist, girl!

However, Destiny has other plans in store for me. Yeah yeah. The same old bitch who's screwed up the most of us. I hear my mother's voice… "Let's get going Aashi! I think you've stared enough for today!"

I am trans-fixed. Can't move. Can't blink. Can't speak. Can't think.

"Aashi??? We're getting late!!"

I'm so rudely brought back to earth. *sigh*

"Yaa mum!"

I turn around. Sooo slowly, unwillingly, with the heaviest heart. I look at my maa with the most pitiful puppy eyes I've ever donned. But then I shrink back from the steel-strong disapproval in her eyes.

But she does melt, because she goes "Come on Aashi. You already own a million pair of shoes."

"But maaaa!! They are genuine Louboutin!"

"You already have ten of them!"

"They are in that blazing red shade mooooom!!!"

"You have pinks and purples and oranges and greens and reds and blacks and whites and I remember even a pair of rainbow ones!!!"

"They are the original stilettos maaaaa! The actual height stilettos aaaare!!"

"And you already own a million of them!"

"Maaaaa!!! :'( :'( :'("

"Aashiii!!! :/ :/ :/"

*sob*

And I have to walk away. I keep looking back at the shoes for as long as I walk away. Once again, that S.O.B. destiny snatched my love away from me! Once again, I'm subjected to torture and agony. Any girl would understand the pain. The longing that claws beneath the surface. Letting a pair of good shoes go, is like… Watching Robert Downey Jr. stop being Iron Man. Like… Dying a day before the holocaust ends. Like… A wife feels at lunchtime on karvachauth. Like… Being hungry for days, yet the only morsel being snatched away.

Just pure. Unadulterated. Physical. Torture.

It was love at first sight. Mind it. It was love at first sight. :'(

"U hav a cold"

*beep beep*

He: Hey babe ! 'Ssup? :D

She: U're late -_-

He: Ummmm :/

She: Yesss??? -_-

He: Im sry :/

She: I've really had it this time -_-

He: Im sry.. U knw d guys.. Took me out for a drink :(

She: A DRINK????? O.o

He: Ummm.. Yeah?? :/

She: U hav a cold ! :|

He: Ohhh..

He: Shittt.. I forgot ! :O

She: I didnt ! Why didnt u tell me b4? U knw how ur throat gets! -_-

He: Im sry ! :(

He: Hey???

He: Please??? Im really sry!! :'(

She: Sorry doesnt quite cut it ! :/

45 mins later...

She: U dre ? :/

*knock at the door*

*opens the door*

*He's there.. A small little chocolate in his hand*

He: "I know how much you love these chocolates. I went downtown to get these for you."

She: "In such a cold weather??? You have a cold!!!"

He: "Here. For you!"

*takes the chocolate. Reluctantly eats it up*

She: "You should go back home. You have a cold."

He smiles: "Yeah! Ok!"

She: "Ok!"

He: "Bye"

She: "Bye"

He: "Im sorry!"

She: "Go home! You have a cold."

He: "Ok!"

She: "Ok!"

He dug his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket and walked away, teeth chattering in the wind, already missing her, still feeling guilty.

What he didn't know, was that she watched him return, all the way down the path, standing at the door, smiling as the tip of her nose slowly reddened to match her cheeks……

Burdens..

This was it. Limits had been crossed. It was too much for her to bear. The day had been heavier than usual. As she sat on her bed grasping the blade tightly, flashbacks returned to her mind...

"You might as well stop dreaming. You aren't ever getting anywhere with an attitude like that. You think the world's that easy???"

"You really are a big mistake!"

"Don't look at me with those big doe eyes. I'm not your father, they don't melt me."

"Since you're not going to do anything worthwhile in life, why don't you try helping with the chores?? Might as well learn something you'll be doing for the rest of your life."

"What makes you think I'll let you out of the house wearing those shorts?? No! I don't care everyone does. No girl  in this house can!"

Her mother screamed and screeched and squalled and yelled all day. She would just hang her head low, blink back the tears and retire to her room. Daddy was never there. He was too busy earning truckloads to be worrying about the drama back home. Bhaiya never bothered. "Chill dude. You'll be alright." All the cold shouldering had given her a frostbite.

All the *friends-cum-bitches* back at school, gave her a hard time... "You really need to make an effort sweetie. Perhaps a new haircut. And a little toning here and there. And maybe the stupid bangs should go. Oh yeah. Should totally go," in a tone sooo sickeningly sweet, it made her feel diabetic, at just 16.

"I never had to remind your brother to hand in your homework. Why can't you be more like him?"

"I can't believe you're his sister. You are so lazy!" Teachers stamped and trampled upon her self-respect like enraged wild horses. They wore her out worse than the tyres on her dad's BMW.

She would just hang her head low, blink back the tears and shut the fuck up.

But today? Today, it had been heaped onto her like a weekload of laundry. Mother, brother, teachers, friends, hurting every inch of her soul. She returned home, stormed off to her room and pulled out her old blade.

And here sat she. Blade in one hand, a cheesy suicide note to the haters in the other. Occasionaly, she would wipe off a traitor tear or two with the back of her hand. The much-criticised bangs had been pulled away from her face into a loose ponytail.

With a trembling hand, she brought the tip of the gleaming metal close to her left wrist. Not wiping away the tears this time, she had just started to dig in deeper, ready to embrace the pain and the darkness, when her phone beeped.

"Hey baby ! Where r u ? Sry im late . Cudnt text . Was wid dad . Reply ASAP . Missed u d whole day .

P. S. I love you"

She stared at the screen for a second as she felt her heart beat in her throat. Quietly keeping the blade down, she picked up the phone to reply. Her head hung low, her eyes blinked back the tears and a smile played on her lips…

When I dance..

They kept forcing her.

"You are SUCH an awesome dancer, dude! You HAVE to be in this!"

"We can't do this without you babe!"

"Why are you backing out??"

But she just shook her head and refused. No one ever understood why. No one ever tried to. Crazy people. Obsessed with the show.

She often tried to explain. To anyone she expected to understand. But in vain. No one did. No one COULD. Because the reason wasn't something she could put in words.

He would watch from the sidelines. Watch her shake her head in frustration and exhaustion. Watch her try to explain.

It was the annual function. The Student Organising Committee had made audacious claims of the function being world class this year. She had always been the best dancer in school. Easily the best. But she always danced solo. The Dance Department was convinced that they could not perform without her. They tried hard to persuade her to dance with them, but she would keep refusing. With just two weeks left, they finally took to desperate measures, and approached him. They believed she always listened to him.

"You could try dancing with the group once! Maybe you'll do better," he pleaded, unwillingly. He never forced her to do anything she was uncomfortable with.

She glared at him. He shrugged. Seeing his adorable face, her heart melted and she softened "You need to see why I can't.. Not "won't".. Why i can't.."

And she showed him.

The music began. Soft, waltz-ish instrumental. She closed her eyes like a sunbather soaking in the sun's rays. Rising slightly onto her toes, she brought up her arms and twirled.

The entire school watched. Stopped right in their tracks and watched, entranced. Her body swayed blithely to the tune. Light as a feather, yet as agile as a lioness on hunt.

The expressions on her face changed like the rise and fall of tides.. From joy to sorrow to passion to longing to agony to ecstasy. She had them all. Her falls were perfect. The boys' mouths fell open as she pirouetted across the hall in one split second.

She danced in her own world. Dance, like chocolate, is a purely selfish pleasure. You can only dance with your heart when you are dancing for yourself, and the one you love. When you dance for the world beyond that, then you are not really dancing.

As they watched her dance with her soul, they realised they could never make her dance with them. Never.

My Own Angel..

Walked alone in darkened streets

As the lonely night engulfed me

Head held low, drooping down

The once glowing smile that lost to the frown

A heart too heavy with sorrows galore

Tears willingly gladly poured

Helpless and lonely, a forsaken being

I let the night engulf me..

One fine day, you came about

Head held high, like a prince too proud

Smiling wide like the widest seas

A lovely warmth comforted me

'There's my hope', I thought that while

I'd walked alone too many a mile

Then you came in from etheral lands

Walked with me and held my hand

A need that grows by the moment, strong

Can't stay from you for time too long

When all else fails and all doors close

You welcome me with your angelic glow

Ease the pain and lighten my heart

I know you're here through every part

And when the dark threatens the lonely streets

I let your light engulf me..

An Epistle To My Love..

Hey, love of my life.. 

I know it's kind of a bad time to be breaking up with you. I really need you right now. What with all the stress in my life, all the troubles I'm facing. But I've decided it's time to let you go. There's a time for everything. Yours with me is over. We had a great run together, you and me. Beginning the day with you every morning. Afternoons and evenings. All the late nights we shared. Your Kisses are addictive. The way you love me, no one else can. Everytime I needed support, you've been there. Anytime, anywhere. And even if you weren't, I never felt alone, knowing you'll always love me.

It's not you sweetheart, it's me. This relationship just isn't working out. You give, I take. There's just no more balance. I hope someone loves you the way I did. You deserve it. You really do, baby! I am sorry. I won't wish you back. You can go now. Don't come back into my life. I won't be able to resist.

Good bye!

Love

Apoorvi

(Ex-chocoholic)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you write a goodbye letter when you decide to give up chocolate.

Act 1 Scene 1

The scene takes place inside the surprisingly tranquil classroom of Aakash Coaching Institute.. And not tranquil because it's quiet.. Tranquil becaue the students are totally blank.. Like 'What-the-fuck-is-going-on' blank.. Ya know what.. No one really gets what the teachers want anymore..

Me- "Who told her she looks cute in pigtails for Chrissake??"

"She should go on a diet."

"Maaahnn!! Even her hairbands dont match!"

"Well neither do her shoes."

"I guess she just doesn't care."

"Well.. Who cares!"

"Okay I do!! I am the one who has to watch her stupid head for like, oh, only 4 hours!!"

"Maybe I should just tell her.. Hey girlfriend, sorry to be rude, but your hair looks dumb."

"She has dandruff!! Dandruff, I mean dandruff!!!! And it's not even October yet!!"

"Don't these people realise it's actually a health hazard??"

"I'm so not telling her.."

Attention shifts..

Still me- "He wore that same shirt yesterday."

"I noticed THAT the day before as well!"

"I guess guys are like that only!"

*shrug*

"He should seriously go easy on the hair gel.. No girl really finds it attractive.."

"And I mean real girls!! Not the ones on TV"

"Who cares??? LIKE who cares??? I mean there's an old guy up there at the blackboard sweating his ass off trying to pump some dead guy's theories into our brains!! Why?? Why can't I pay attention to him for like, even two minutes??"

I scribble something on my register.. Some insensible, unintelligible thing..  When I notice the cute guy..

Me again- "God!! Where had he been all this while??"

"Even pink looks good on him!!"

"Okay! No! It doesn't. Obsession apart, pink is gay"

"He isn't.. Certainly he isn't.. He is gorgeous!"

"Wonder if he's got a girfriend?"

"If he hasn't, then I call dibs"

*looks around*

"Oh yeah.. He's totally mine!"

*tringggggg*

"Awwwh crap.. Why does this fucking bell ring at the wrong time?"

"I'll be back Mr. Gorgeous.. Tomorrow again, same time, same classroom, Botany period.. I'll be here waiting.."

And that's how the story goes.. Everyday.. With me.. With you.. With everyone.. The never-ending saga of students wrapped in their thoughts, squirming to get out of the prison-like rooms.. Back into the polluted air of the streets, to freedom..

Heroin..

Like an ancient sculptor's clay

We are moulded, day by day

Forced out of our comfort zones

Into something strange unknown

"Grow up kids! Give up sleep!"

For we are "adults" now, sixteen sweet

Burdened backs that make us bow

Coz we are "grown-up" students now

Books grow thick, like *watered weeds*

Bags heavier, like *swollen seeds*

Physics, Chemistry, Bio, Maths

Pissed off teachers make us mad

Guess they have forgotten those

Days they were kids, not long ago.

Just one soul to sympathise

With broken hearts and sleepy eyes

Just one way if we could find

To rest our weary, worn-out minds.

And right before we all give in

Someone brings in 'heroin'

Slowly, slowly hooked on it

*A rosy path to a deathly pit*

Why do you do this to yourself???

A moment's peace, but a lifetime's hell

I shake my head and sadly frown

Pity the poor, addicted town

But then I subtly, slowly smile

Coz I have my own *drug* aside

A loving heart that lives in mine

A caring soul that stands beside

Good for me and good for you

Anyone who can love you true

A drug that's healthy for everyone

Not cocaine, but as vital as the sun

You're born alone, why live that way?

Smile at someone, love today

I know I'm happy, healthy and safe

Baby you keep my pain at bay

And joy to me that you do bring

Baby, you're "my own heroin".. ;) :D

When nights dont end…

Eerie sounds pervade the night.. As the distant darkling sings in her cavern in some far away lands.. I sit peering into the dark as the hours while away.. Leafing through the pages.. One hour.. Two hours.. Three hours.. Impatient, aggrieved, I glance at the watch.. STILL 12:30?? 

And I keep leafing through the pages.. Still gazing into the darkness.. Hoping for a ray of light to dare to penetrate through the never-ending gloom.. Spiders crawl up the window ledge.. As goosebumps do up my skin..

And I keep leafing through the pages..

"Light gayi".. Shied away from the sinister hours of the night.. The fan lazily whirrs above my head, looming large like impending doom.. Is that a dog out there? Or the werewolf from my nightmares? Is that the watchman's whistle? Or the witch's scream? As the mind questions the fathomless possibilities..

I keep leafing through the pages..

And the clock struck 3.. "When all men repose" I wait for something.. Some miracle.. Some reprieve from this endless torture.. Winds howl forewarning me.. Heart pounding against my rib cage, I finally decide to switch off the lights, close my Physics book.. And decide to go to sleep..

After all.. I have a Physics exam tomorrow.. 😥