*Not Normal*

"Not normal. Sorry!"

"Isn't there anything we can do about her?"

"No, Dr. Arti. I'm sorry to say, there's nothing we can do about her."

This was the conversation that took place between my mother and her fellow gynaecologist the day I was born. The day I was born, I was christened "Not Normal". The day after I was born, was I christened "Apoorvi".

And that's how it's always been. People always label me as "Not Normal" before they even get to know me.

I don't get why I'm blamed for something that's my inherent nature. Some things make me different, yaa, but "not normal" is far-fetched.

I don't walk. I dance. My friends have to hold me down to behave properly. My feet never fall flat on the floor. That's because I like being happy all the time. I like loving the day and making life worth living. Not Normal?

I don't eat. I simply refuse to touch most things edible. Except chocolate and non-veg. So? I'm a bit choosy. Not Normal?

I eat cornflakes at 2am in the dark of the night. And I eat KFC Hot Wings at 8am in the morning. So maybe I eat according to my mood. Not Normal?

I cry at every little thing. Believe me, EVERY LITTLE THING. I laugh at stuff I am not supposed to, and the jokes which people consider funny, I totally abhor. I think too much, and I am so pre-occupied that I keep slamming into things, walking into people and tripping down the last stair. Sometimes when I am deep in thought, no amount of calling, beckoning and yelling can bring me back to earth. I just keep shaking my head and staring at nothing. So I have my own little world inside. Not Normal?

I am simply different I guess. There's this guy, a realllyyyy reallyyyy interesting guy, and he thinks he's lonely because he is different. I think, what makes him different is that he is lonely.

There's nothing wrong with being "different". Earnest request: "PLEASE do not label us as *Not Normal*"

Act 1 Scene 2

The scene takes place in the enlightened hall of my alma mater, the dark and dingy building I've grown up in, suffered innumerable heartbreaks, lived innumerable memories, shared innumerable scoops, fought innumerable fights…

My school

*Assembly-time*

Students are ordered to fall into lines by harassed-looking teachers. And why won't they be. It's not like anyone of us ever even listens to them.

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I slept at 2

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- Do you think we'll receive another lecture today?

Friend- I think so

Me- I'm not really in the mood for one

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- What will it be this time?

Friend- I don't really know

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

*The Princi arrives*

Why do they do this everyday? I mean what's the point. It's not like we even listen. Most of us are too sleepy!!

Me- This is boring

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I didn't really want to come to school

Friend- Me neither

Me- Actually, I never do

Friend- Me neither

Me- See that b****? Saw her dp yesterday?

Friend- Yeah

Me- Oh

Friend- Yeah

Me- She's fat

Friend- And dumb

Me- And a poser

Friend- And stuck-up

Teacher- Shhh!

Me & friend- Sorry!

Why do I have to pray everyday? Why bother God unnecessarily? It's not even exam-time!

I don't even pray!! All I care about is my hair!

Oh my god my hair!

Is it alright???

I guess yeah.

OMG! He's here!

I think I'll pass out.

Actually, no! I won't! That's like so uncool!

Me- Hey!

Friend- Yeah

Me- He's here!

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- Gaaawwd he's looking so cute

Friend- Not really

Me- Oh shut up! He is!!!

Teacher- Shhh!

Me & friend- Sorry!

Me- See that b****?

Friend- Yeah?

Me- She's always hitting on him!

Friend- Oh!

Me- He's mine!!

Friend- Yeah I know

Me- I'm sleepy

Friend- Yeah I know

[Exeunt]

Love At First Sight

So tall.

And slim.

And shapely.

And sexy.

And glowing.

Ohmygod!! Is that my heart I feel inside???

Gorgeous.

A work of God.. Yeah!

I can't pull my eyes away from that etheral sight. My heart feels like it will jump outta my throat. Sweaty palms. Red cheeks.

My hands itch to reach forward and feel the beauty. To assure me that yes. Perfection does exist, girl!

However, Destiny has other plans in store for me. Yeah yeah. The same old bitch who's screwed up the most of us. I hear my mother's voice… "Let's get going Aashi! I think you've stared enough for today!"

I am trans-fixed. Can't move. Can't blink. Can't speak. Can't think.

"Aashi??? We're getting late!!"

I'm so rudely brought back to earth. *sigh*

"Yaa mum!"

I turn around. Sooo slowly, unwillingly, with the heaviest heart. I look at my maa with the most pitiful puppy eyes I've ever donned. But then I shrink back from the steel-strong disapproval in her eyes.

But she does melt, because she goes "Come on Aashi. You already own a million pair of shoes."

"But maaaa!! They are genuine Louboutin!"

"You already have ten of them!"

"They are in that blazing red shade mooooom!!!"

"You have pinks and purples and oranges and greens and reds and blacks and whites and I remember even a pair of rainbow ones!!!"

"They are the original stilettos maaaaa! The actual height stilettos aaaare!!"

"And you already own a million of them!"

"Maaaaa!!! :'( :'( :'("

"Aashiii!!! :/ :/ :/"

*sob*

And I have to walk away. I keep looking back at the shoes for as long as I walk away. Once again, that S.O.B. destiny snatched my love away from me! Once again, I'm subjected to torture and agony. Any girl would understand the pain. The longing that claws beneath the surface. Letting a pair of good shoes go, is like… Watching Robert Downey Jr. stop being Iron Man. Like… Dying a day before the holocaust ends. Like… A wife feels at lunchtime on karvachauth. Like… Being hungry for days, yet the only morsel being snatched away.

Just pure. Unadulterated. Physical. Torture.

It was love at first sight. Mind it. It was love at first sight. :'(

"U hav a cold"

*beep beep*

He: Hey babe ! 'Ssup? :D

She: U're late -_-

He: Ummmm :/

She: Yesss??? -_-

He: Im sry :/

She: I've really had it this time -_-

He: Im sry.. U knw d guys.. Took me out for a drink :(

She: A DRINK????? O.o

He: Ummm.. Yeah?? :/

She: U hav a cold ! :|

He: Ohhh..

He: Shittt.. I forgot ! :O

She: I didnt ! Why didnt u tell me b4? U knw how ur throat gets! -_-

He: Im sry ! :(

He: Hey???

He: Please??? Im really sry!! :'(

She: Sorry doesnt quite cut it ! :/

45 mins later...

She: U dre ? :/

*knock at the door*

*opens the door*

*He's there.. A small little chocolate in his hand*

He: "I know how much you love these chocolates. I went downtown to get these for you."

She: "In such a cold weather??? You have a cold!!!"

He: "Here. For you!"

*takes the chocolate. Reluctantly eats it up*

She: "You should go back home. You have a cold."

He smiles: "Yeah! Ok!"

She: "Ok!"

He: "Bye"

She: "Bye"

He: "Im sorry!"

She: "Go home! You have a cold."

He: "Ok!"

She: "Ok!"

He dug his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket and walked away, teeth chattering in the wind, already missing her, still feeling guilty.

What he didn't know, was that she watched him return, all the way down the path, standing at the door, smiling as the tip of her nose slowly reddened to match her cheeks……

Burdens..

This was it. Limits had been crossed. It was too much for her to bear. The day had been heavier than usual. As she sat on her bed grasping the blade tightly, flashbacks returned to her mind...

"You might as well stop dreaming. You aren't ever getting anywhere with an attitude like that. You think the world's that easy???"

"You really are a big mistake!"

"Don't look at me with those big doe eyes. I'm not your father, they don't melt me."

"Since you're not going to do anything worthwhile in life, why don't you try helping with the chores?? Might as well learn something you'll be doing for the rest of your life."

"What makes you think I'll let you out of the house wearing those shorts?? No! I don't care everyone does. No girl  in this house can!"

Her mother screamed and screeched and squalled and yelled all day. She would just hang her head low, blink back the tears and retire to her room. Daddy was never there. He was too busy earning truckloads to be worrying about the drama back home. Bhaiya never bothered. "Chill dude. You'll be alright." All the cold shouldering had given her a frostbite.

All the *friends-cum-bitches* back at school, gave her a hard time... "You really need to make an effort sweetie. Perhaps a new haircut. And a little toning here and there. And maybe the stupid bangs should go. Oh yeah. Should totally go," in a tone sooo sickeningly sweet, it made her feel diabetic, at just 16.

"I never had to remind your brother to hand in your homework. Why can't you be more like him?"

"I can't believe you're his sister. You are so lazy!" Teachers stamped and trampled upon her self-respect like enraged wild horses. They wore her out worse than the tyres on her dad's BMW.

She would just hang her head low, blink back the tears and shut the fuck up.

But today? Today, it had been heaped onto her like a weekload of laundry. Mother, brother, teachers, friends, hurting every inch of her soul. She returned home, stormed off to her room and pulled out her old blade.

And here sat she. Blade in one hand, a cheesy suicide note to the haters in the other. Occasionaly, she would wipe off a traitor tear or two with the back of her hand. The much-criticised bangs had been pulled away from her face into a loose ponytail.

With a trembling hand, she brought the tip of the gleaming metal close to her left wrist. Not wiping away the tears this time, she had just started to dig in deeper, ready to embrace the pain and the darkness, when her phone beeped.

"Hey baby ! Where r u ? Sry im late . Cudnt text . Was wid dad . Reply ASAP . Missed u d whole day .

P. S. I love you"

She stared at the screen for a second as she felt her heart beat in her throat. Quietly keeping the blade down, she picked up the phone to reply. Her head hung low, her eyes blinked back the tears and a smile played on her lips…

When I dance..

They kept forcing her.

"You are SUCH an awesome dancer, dude! You HAVE to be in this!"

"We can't do this without you babe!"

"Why are you backing out??"

But she just shook her head and refused. No one ever understood why. No one ever tried to. Crazy people. Obsessed with the show.

She often tried to explain. To anyone she expected to understand. But in vain. No one did. No one COULD. Because the reason wasn't something she could put in words.

He would watch from the sidelines. Watch her shake her head in frustration and exhaustion. Watch her try to explain.

It was the annual function. The Student Organising Committee had made audacious claims of the function being world class this year. She had always been the best dancer in school. Easily the best. But she always danced solo. The Dance Department was convinced that they could not perform without her. They tried hard to persuade her to dance with them, but she would keep refusing. With just two weeks left, they finally took to desperate measures, and approached him. They believed she always listened to him.

"You could try dancing with the group once! Maybe you'll do better," he pleaded, unwillingly. He never forced her to do anything she was uncomfortable with.

She glared at him. He shrugged. Seeing his adorable face, her heart melted and she softened "You need to see why I can't.. Not "won't".. Why i can't.."

And she showed him.

The music began. Soft, waltz-ish instrumental. She closed her eyes like a sunbather soaking in the sun's rays. Rising slightly onto her toes, she brought up her arms and twirled.

The entire school watched. Stopped right in their tracks and watched, entranced. Her body swayed blithely to the tune. Light as a feather, yet as agile as a lioness on hunt.

The expressions on her face changed like the rise and fall of tides.. From joy to sorrow to passion to longing to agony to ecstasy. She had them all. Her falls were perfect. The boys' mouths fell open as she pirouetted across the hall in one split second.

She danced in her own world. Dance, like chocolate, is a purely selfish pleasure. You can only dance with your heart when you are dancing for yourself, and the one you love. When you dance for the world beyond that, then you are not really dancing.

As they watched her dance with her soul, they realised they could never make her dance with them. Never.