That's what she thought looking into the mirror.
She was not the one who took failure and heartbreaks well. She didn't bounce back from rejection too easily. And sometimes, she would let it get to her, and would crumble under the slightest of stress.
(That's how everyone is inside, sadly.)
The past few months had been rough for her. Life, sometimes, can be an A-grade b*tch to even the happiest and sweetest of all people. And for people who've known industrial-strength happiness, it isn't easy to accept.
She'd gained a few pounds (okay, a lot of pounds), ya know, another of us depression-feeders. Her hair had lost its former lustre, her eyes the former glint. She wore a nice, dark shade of exhaustion beneath her eyes. She had that back-off-I-bite-but-I'm-really-not-that-bad-just-a-little-heartbroken-so-all-I-need-is-a-forced-warm-hug-and-a-shoulder-to-cry-on air about her. She would sleep all the time, trying to escape facing her fears each time she woke up. As if dreams were her rehab from reality. Getting out of bed was probably the hardest task of all. Sometimes, she would wish she could just vanish into thin air, if such an event were possible. Because, people, are oh so tiring!
But one fine day, her godmother made her look into the mirror. Gave her a good smack on the head, grabbed her by the shoulders, and pushed her in front of that large piece of glass used for reflective purposes.
"Look there!"
"Yeah what?"
"WHAT do you see??"
"Erm.. Us?"
"No!!"
"No?"
"No!!! I see a pile of clothes hanging on a truckload of fat and stored-carbs, efficiently rich in Tacos from Dominos, and butter chicken, and tubs after tubs of Baskin Robbins Bavarian Chocolate!"
"Umm.. It's tasty!"
"Ohhh yeahh?? And that big round head, with fine bags of grey under the half-dead eyes, which look as if they've stayed up nights in a row, studying hard, when they've actually been washed out crying."
"Ermm okay?"
"What's wrong with you???"
She went and sat down on the bed with a gusty sighhhh.
"I'm just sick of life putting me down!"
"Oh yeah???"
"Yeah! It's like everything's going wrong! People who cared, don't care! People who do care, aren't there! I can't get anywhere in life. I can't bear to look at my books! Lord knows how I'll get into a college! Mom and Dad can't stop pestering me! Sometimes, I'd rather just die."
"Well I hope you do, because someone as pathetic as you doesn't deserve to live, when people with greater life and ambition in them are lying in coma in the hospital! Because people like you just take life for granted! And then they wish they could die!"
"Ummm"
"Don't ummm me you friggin idiot!"
"Okay!"
"Don't okay me either! Don't you see? It's YOUR life! It's upto YOU to make it happy, to make it worth living! When you fight back, I don't think any power in the Universe can put you down!"
*sigh*
"Don't sigh like that either! It makes you cry more! You are the one who can make good things happen to yourself. People come, and people go. Those who are meant to stay, will. Rest of them, are life lessons. You'll just lessen what their worth had been, if you sit like this, regretting the past and despising the present and squandering away the future."
"Screw you."
"Hahaha screw you too bro!"
So the story had a happy, not ending, interlude. Because there's no such thing as a "Happily ever after". Because no one can be happy all the time! There are hot streaks, and then there are cold spells.
The next day, she got up early morning, went jogging with her girlfriend and organised her studies. She washed her hair like normal humans. Got out of bed, not because she was forced to, but because she wanted to. She resolved to be a better person, and tried to learn from her mistakes. In her heart, she believed that one day everything will turn out fine. Just the way she wanted it to be. She'd learnt that what does not kill us, just makes us stronger.
Okay fine! That "she" is me. And there's no godmother, it's me myself. Because one day, I got sick of life putting me down. I don't owe life anything. And I won't let it get one up on me. "It takes a long pull, a strong pull, and a pull altogether before some of us even get our feet set in the right way." One day, it'll be alright for me. For you. For everyone.
The storm will pass, things will get better.
It's pouring now but it can't rain forever.
- A really good friend.
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