I'm talking to the spider in my bathroom. Mr. Spider, it turns out, is an avid listener of mine. Has been since I took over the bathroom, his former territory. I just didn't notice his acknowledgment. Now that I have someone to listen me out, it feels relieving to share my pain with someone.
Not something.
Someone.
"It really hurts ya know.."
Silence.
"Why doesn't anybody understand my feelings?"
Silence. Crawls forward. Closer to me.
"I know it was my fault.. But is it ALWAYS my fault?"
Crawls a bit away.
"See! It isn't! Even you agree! Right?"
Crawls in closer. Dangerously close.
"Hey! Hey! Now keep your distance mister! My broken heart doesn't give you the right to come so close."
Stays in place.
I shed a few tears. Curl up and pull my knees closer to my chest, lean my head back against the wall. Let the tears flow.
Then I turn to look at Mr. Spider. He's staring back at me, and I feel a connection. Both sad, forsaken, lonely beings, trying to find their place in the world. The cold, cruel world.
And the moment I put out my hand to stand up and leave, I see him crawl away.
Leaving me behind. Alone. Once again.
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