Forever

She rang the door bell twice. No one answered. Staring at her chappals in despair, she rang the bell for the third time, and as she turned around to walk away, the door was answered.

"Yes?" An old man with a trembling voice stood there. He wore a shocking white kurta and pajama.

But of course he's wearing white. And he's just the cook.

"Baba! May I come in?" She asked softly.

"Umm.. Beta.. You know.."

"Yes. Yes I know baba! I need to be a part too."

"You're here for the funeral?"

"Yes. I'm here for.. The funeral.. Yes.. Yeah probably for that."

And for one last goodbye.

Tears filled his eyes as he opened the door wide to let her in. She ignored him, as her lips trembled. Taking off her chappals, she entered the house, smoothing out her own starched salwar-kurta.

The scene hit her hard.

A lady lay on the bed, yelling and screaming, sobbing at a loud volume. Several other ladies weeped along with her and tried to comfort her. The men were huddled in the verandah, except for one, probably the father, who stood in the garden, his arms wrapped around him.

She dared not look towards the hall, where the body was kept for the final rites. Her heart caught in her throat.

"Namaste Auntyji!"

The women stared at her, but the lady kept on crying, oblivious to her surroundings.

She spoke further, folding her hands together, "I am.. Was.. His friend.. I'm here to.. Umm.. Pay respects to.. Umm.."

One woman narrowed her eyes at her, and spoke through a choky whisper. "What do you want beta?"

"I.. Umm.. I'm here.. I was.. I was his friend."

He was my friend. He was my love. He was my life. He's the reason why I'm still here.

But he's no more.

How can I explain it to you????

The women ignored her. The man in the garden beckoned her to him.

"Namaste uncle ji!"

"Namaste beta! May I help you?"

The warmth exuding from his voice reminded her of his son's. The way he would whisper 'good night' into the phone, or yell at her to stop drinking, or teach her some new theory in maths, the voice she had spent 8 years listening to, the voice she had hoped to listen to for her remaining lifetime.

"I was his friend."

The man uttered a name.

"Yes, the very same," she answered, slightly comforted by his familiarity towards her.

"I'm sorry beta!" The tears finally escaped his eyes as he put a hand on her shoulder, and left.

She walked upto the door of his bedroom. So many times, she'd walked up to that room like she belonged there. Now she didn't feel the same way.

Entering, she felt a sudden hollowness, like the walls were closing in on her. She closed the door behind her, sat down on his bed, and broke down.

She spent a few hours in there. Everyone was mourning. No one disturbed her. She went through his closet, fingering his clothes, taking in the smell of the very familiar cologne. She went through his baggages, toying around with every item, shedding innumerable tears at every nostalgic reminiscence. Something had ended. The feeling of emptiness clawed through her heart as she sniffed at his handkerchief.

She opened the drawer of his table, and rummaged through the clutter of infinitely dysfunctional pens and stationery. She liked the sound of objects clinking against each other, and was shuffling a little bit more when she found a small crumpled piece of paper. She immediately recognised his microscopic crawly handwriting.

Something about you, sweetheart, reminds me that we have forever.

So I'll love you.

Forever.

She folded the note back as a tear fell on 'forever' and blotted the ink.

Made-ONLY-For-Each-Other

"You are just like your daddy! Always leave the wet towel on the bed! Always leave the charger in the plug! And abhi kuch bolo do, toh kahenge subeh subeh badbadane lagti ho! Bola tha jaldi kariyega!! But no! Ab dekho! Late ho rahe hain hospital ke liye! Par fir kuch bol do, toh kahenge subeh subeh ladna chalu kar deti ho! Huh!"

Maa goes on grumbling as she frets about the house, picking up things and leaving order behind.

It's the morning everyday in my house. Maa grumbles at Daddy, Daddy grumbles at Maa.

It's always been this way. Mom and Dad were never the usual couple. No romance, no gifts, no i-love-yous, nothing. Hell, the simple mere idea of my parents being in love is revolting!

Two crazed-out super-ambitious eminent doctors of the town, my parents consider 'expressed love' as the most outrageous excuse for an emotion. Maa laughs at all my romantic notions, and Daddy vilely threatens to murder any guy who dare get too close to his daughter.

But I know they love each other. I watch them express it every moment.

When Maa lays out Daddy's clothes for him before he returns home, or makes sure his food is never cold. When Daddy massages Maa's aching head in one of her many migraines. When they sit together in the hospital for a cup of tea in between rounds of the O.R.

Maa has always been Daddy's strength, through thick or thin. Everytime the man of the house broke down when the world became too hard, Maa got into his shoes and made sure he had her steel-strong support everytime. Times were tough, the family in crisis, Mumma and Daddy stuck together, making sure no one grew weak. When consequences were against Daddy, Maa would never hesitate in uttering an expletive or two, at the people who'd messed up his life. Never mind the ideal Bhartiya naari. I watch them work together, struggling to keep their patients alive, and they almost always  succeed. Sometimes, Daddy brings in a little gift for her, always the gentleman. Maa's a bit of a nut. She sent Daddy a "Happy Birthday" on Valentine's Day when I forced her to wish him. And then shrugged, blushed and said, "Kya farak padta hai? Wish toh kar diya na!"

They jab at each other, mock each other, tease and joke around as if they're newly married. Sometimes, they make me sit down and lecture me about something or the other. Sometimes, they tell me and my sister that we are the most precious treasures they own.

Mumma and Daddy have been through the hardest struggles of life, side by side. They've climbed the ladder of success, matching their steps, one at a time. I've never believed in arranged marriage. Never understood the logic behind being tied down to some one you've never known before. But sometimes, when I look at these two nutcracks, I understand, that it never made a difference. It was a match made in heaven, and it keeps me hopeful, that I might have MY special someone out there too. That when I'm their age, I can be just as happy. 

*touchwood*

Happy Anniversary Mumma and Daddy! Love you guys! :) <3

Lessons

Here's some lessons I learnt since I turned Sweet Sixteen:

1) NEVER fall in love!

Love is the most pathetic excuse for an emotion. It's the most powerful feeling that can ever overcome you. You think anger paralyses? Have you ever been in love? Love can send you into a coma. A never-ending one that too. You're blinded and suddenly, the world's too good a place. Suddenly, you're not a good girl, who doesn't deserve the guy, and you're all up for becoming better. There's a lot of effort you put in. And if it's not the right person, you end up hurting yourself. And finding the right person at 16, is like… Finding a perfect road in Kanpur. "Nearly impossible". (Although I'm a fine one to speak because I believe I've found my perfect road ;) )

2) DO fall in love!

Love is the best thing that could ever happen to you. :P Yes, the world suddenly seems too good. Nothing can go wrong when you have the one you want, and it's like spring season throughout the year. You dance about for no reason, smile like an idiot at your secret, and it makes you a better person. It makes you WANT to be a better person. And believe me, that's what the world needs.

3) NEVER buy clothes that are too loose!

If you think you are fat (If you're a girl, then I know you do) and you buy clothes a size too big, it's a mistake.

I lost 17 kgs since last April, and I'm paying now (even though I finally look good now :P) because I literally have to tie my jeans with belts, and I sometimes fall short of punch holes. I had to buy a whole new pair of school uniforms. And all the pretty clothes I had, don't fit me anymore. Always buy the fitting size.

Same goes for shoes.

4) NEVER think that friends last forever!

Nahhh.. Never! They don't.. So that'll be a big mistake! The moment you enter class 11th, all your so-called "social circles" fall apart. Everyone works and lives for their personal benefit, and if you think they don't, then you deserve a kick on the ass. Better learn to be selfish, or you end up getting hurt.

There were so many more. But these ones really took me out on a roller-coaster ride. Yes it was the best year ever. And the worst yet.

Sweet Sixteen..?

Every little girl, the day she turns fifteen, forgets the fact that it's her birthday today, and officially starts dreaming about her next birthday, her 'Sweet Sixteenth'.

For some reason, the Westerners have it hyped that Sweet Sixteen is a highly significant phase in a girl's life. (It could have been a scheme of the hoteliers to introduce a new occasion the poor unsuspecting customers could celebrate!)

And it's the girls they picked. The guys couldn't care less. But the girls... Aah! the girls. There's months and months of meticulous planning and chirping and bubbling before D-Day. Girlfriends get excited about their girlfriends' Sweet 16.

I don't get the big deal about it.

Oh sure I was excited. HELL excited like a tortoise with a new shell. But I was born under some unlucky star, because my birthday happens to fall on 28th February, right before we begin with our final exams, so it's not like I've ever received any lovely surprises from my friends or had the chance to go out and celebrate myself. My Sweet 16 fell bang in the midst of our class 10th Board Exams. However, that's another tragedy, an another story.

The thing is, today, it's exactly one month to my birthday. And as I get ready to live my last month as a 16 year old, I realise, this was the best, and yet the worst, year of my life. Many more blogs to follow (Birthdays tend to make me philosophical).

See ya

Apoorvi

PS. Hey! So you already know my birthday now. Don't hesitate to wish me, I don't bite. Or bark, for that matter. And gifts will be willingly accepted. ^_^

The Great Indian Wedding

Forget the Bard and his dramas. The Big Fat Indian Wedding is the new Great Indian Drama. Reel or real, weddings are great entertainers for the ardent observer (count me in). All the dramas, individual demands, gossips, baronial feastings, namastes and aur-bade-dino-baads, full-time time-pass for our bhabhijis.

It's amusing how a simple wedding can so vibrantly differ in its aspects.

There's the auntyjis. Ah! the epic auntyjis. (Don't call them aunty. Learn from other people's mistakes). So heavily laden with gold (I don't really get the glitter about gold), jewels so exquisite, sarees so heavy that you're afraid they'll tumble any minute now, and turn into a major avalanche of destruction. But they don't. They walk upright in their infinitely tall heels as if they could set a ramp on fire with their grace and élan, the pallus right on their arms swaying and creating whirlwinds all about.

Then our uncles. Chachaji, tauji, mamaji, mausaji... Wearing the same old suit they did in uski behen ki beti ki saas ke bhai ke bete ki shaadi mein. I don't get why men don't buy new clothes, either. Half of them are tunn. Drunk in the heavenly imported wines from Scotland, Poland, Russia and lord knows where else from. The rest are so busy in discussing the stocks, an IIM graduate gets complexed.

The bacche. I call them the 'chillads'. Seriously! They are of no more use than loose change. Screaming, howling, scampering all about the house, those little spawns of Satan get into your room, upset your dog, turn over everything better than robbers can and give you a headache for free!

With everyone running helter-skelter, the bandwala is always late and the halwai always lazy. The decoration wala bhaiya keeps wandering off until the father of the house loses his marbles. The dog is confused and aggravated as he watches so many ridiculous strangers trespass over the territory he once ruled. The infants scream and scream and scream "MUMMMYYYYYYYY" even when the stupid urchins are right in their mothers' arms. There's lack of food, lack of transport and the electricity board decides to take out it's revenge on you right on D-day.

Even the bride regrets, "Why didn't I just run away when I had the chance?"

Me?

I sit back on the sofa and watch these people run around crazed and befuddled, and laugh at them. "Fret all you want. I, for one thing, won't invite you to MY wedding.. "

Pale Blue Dot

It seems so big.. Our world out there? Sooo big. One minute you look up and one you look around, nothing seems to end. So many different places to discover, so many new people to meet, so many new things to try. It seems endless, doesn't it?

It isn't.

Our world isn't endless. It's just a pale blue dot in the actual endless expanse of the universe.

As Wikipedia states: "The Pale Blue Dot is a photograph of planet Earth taken in 1990 by the Voyager1 spacprobe from a record distance of about6 billion kilometers (3.7 billion miles) from Earth, as part of the solar system Family Portrait series of images. In the photograph, Earth is shown as a fraction of a pixel (0.12 pixel in size) against the vastness of space. The Voyager 1spacecraft, which had completed its primary mission and was leaving the Solar System, was commanded by NASA to turn its camera around and to take a photograph of Earth across a great expanse of space, at the request of Carl Sagan."

What do we think? Just because the Homo sapiens took over the planet, we can take over the universe?

It's scary how clueless we are.

The real world out there, the one we've barely ventured into, is endless. Or maybe, it ain't endless either. Maybe, there is a parallel universe somewhere we don't know about. Some universe where birds and beasts breathe and exist, trees and plants grow alike, creatures move around, hate, love and feel like we do. Like Sagan reflects, "Every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there- on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

We have no idea. No idea whatsoever. It applies everywhere. We don't know and can't tell what's going on with things that aren't a part of our lives.

When the Voyager 1 looked back to pixelize our earth, I bet it was laughing at us. Laughing at how ridiculously blissfully ignorant we are. So wrapped up in our stupid insignificant lives when the universe is busy screwing with them. So busy are we with our boards and AIIMS and IITs and IIMs that we never stop even once to wonder what lies ahead in store for us.

We are just the tiniest atomies of the little dust particle that our earth is, while the whole medium lies undiscovered. 99% dark matter. We don't know what the forces out there might be planning for us. Or whatever we do, whatever we feel, is it just the work of a master mind substance that everything exists of?

When the entire earth can be trapped inside a pixel, it's scary to think how finite existence is...

Refer : http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot

Cold Rescue Alert

It gets into your head. It makes you shiver and it makes your teeth chatter. You rub your plams with incredible frequency, but even friction fails you today. Your cheeks are red, and so is the tip of your nose, but rest everything pale blood-less vampire white. Some refuge, some relief, some warmth?

No. None.

And that is how you sit bundled inside the blanket that would indicate you are a terrorist, or a destitute, were you on the road. But you're at home. In your "cozy warm home". Yeah RIGHT!

You long for a hot bowl of chicken soup, but to make it means you'll have to leave the razai and that ain't happening, oh no no no!

There's no electricity. The poor darling heater just sits there and stares at you dejectedly. You wish you could step upto it and hug it and console it. Alas! the heights the man can go to, where he shall seeketh warmth!

The mist surrounds you as if the Ice Queen is just about to make a grand entry, and for the slightest second you hope everything will turn into Narnia and Aslan will announce you as royalty (That happens. Somehow, everyone who enters Narnia, turns out to be royalty.)

We humans hope for a lot, don't we?

All you need, all you need, is a hug. Just one hug, that's all it takes. From someone who loves you, someone you love. Both arms around you, the ONLY place where you truly belong. You fit in perfectly, like it was made just-for-you. The only place you feel at home, yes, your "warm, cozy home", where you feel at peace, completely safe and secure. You don't need anything more, except that the hug lasts forever.

And it's not really cold anymore.